I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
