today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
