I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
