I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize