we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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