i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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