Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
