When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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