I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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