I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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