apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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