I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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