Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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