So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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