Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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