this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
