If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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