They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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