I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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