i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
