I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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