You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
