Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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