So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
