sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
