We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
