so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
