Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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