i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
