well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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