if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Buhtt sex?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
