saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
