yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
