I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
