I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
