A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
