His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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