my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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