She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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