um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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