My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
