Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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