had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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