What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
