What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
