I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
