I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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