Three words: puerto rican gang bang
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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