Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Two words: blizzard sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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