sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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