I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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