So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
