That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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