I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
