She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
