life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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