Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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