Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
