just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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