You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize