Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
