i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize