The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
