FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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