my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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