My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize